Adam, I’ll miss you my friend

by David Soper

Below is my speech from Adam Palazzo’s Celebration of Life on September 13th, 2020.

Good evening and thank you for your attention.

Jamon, the Bollock Family, the Palazzo Family, and friends.

We are here, those present and those in spirit, to remember and celebrate Adam Lucas Palazzo - husband, son, brother, uncle, and friend.It is with great pride and immense honor that I stand before you and speak in remembrance of Adam.  My name is David and I was fortunate enough to call Adam my friend - my best friend.  Both quickly…and over many years, we developed meaningful connections:

• Our birthdays are a few days apart

• My wife and I share our wedding anniversary with Adam’s birthday

• Seven years ago, on his birthday, Adam was the officiant at our wedding

• Three years ago, on September 10th, I officiated Jamon and Adam’s wedding…at this very location

I met Adam at work - the name of the company was Nodality and he quickly (and wittingly) named all employees: The No-Delights.  Adam was beyond measure - his lightning wit (his ability to create puns on demand), his sarcasm (and oh my, was he full of sass), and his infectious enthusiasm (his laughter was intoxicating and could fill days).Adam was a wonderful friend - supportive, quick to volunteer, and always generous.  When Alexis and I left San Francisco and moved to Southern California - Adam was the first person to visit.Adam loved the outdoors, so he planned a hike in the nearby mountains for the two of us.  We hiked to the top of a peak, ate lunch, and had a wonderful day.  That evening we shared our photos of our hike with Alexis while we ate dinner.  At one point I turned to Adam and asked:

“Hey, how come you took such crappy pictures of me?  While all of the photos I took of you, look wonderful?  Mine are absolutely horrible.”

He replied, “Well, don’t dress so dumpy and you won’t look like crap.”

I was quite taken aback and asked, “Did you say I dress frumpy?”

To which Adam responded, “No, I said dumpy – with a ‘D’.  Frumpy is a look, dumpy is just dumpy.”

He and Alexis made such fun of me and my ancient hiking shirt, that I took it off and threw it in the trash.

Alexis said, “Quick put some food on it, or David will take it out!”

Adam promptly took the remnants of our meal and poured them into the trash and all over my shirt.

He then turned to Alexis and said, “You’re welcome!”

Adam was not being mean - he was being honest.  He wanted the best for everyone, and sometimes that means a hard truth needs to be discussed.

When I first saw Adam and Jamon together, I saw two people who are seemingly different on the surface - Jamon’s quiet reserve in contrast to Adam’s outgoing personality.  But as I spent more time with Jamon, I realized that what I first observed as contrast between the two, was actually complimentary.  Adam’s excitement and joy – Jamon’s patience and wisdom. As Adam would want, I’ll be honest – initially, I was quite skeptical of Jamon.  Jamon attended our wedding as Adam’s plus-one, and they had only been dating for two and a half months.  So, here was some random dude - sitting at the wedding party table and in lots of photos.  Fortunately, Jamon was as wonderful as Adam described and we did not have to photo shop our entire wedding album.

On the surface, who we choose as a friend, family, or lover can appear random.  Love does not make sense – it is not logical; it is not rational.  Love only needs to exist and be boundless.  Love is friends.  Love is family.  Family gives you new ways to see the world.  They love you unconditionally – happy when you are happy, supportive when you are sad, and always there to help you stand up.Family is a combination of those related by blood and those collected throughout our lives.  Adam and I selected each other as our chosen family.  And when Adam introduced me to Jamon, and when I introduced Adam to Alexis, our family grew in the most spectacular way. Adam’s loss is challenging.  While we may now feel, have felt, or may feel in the future: sad, frustrated, angry, and a whole range of emotions that we can’t describe.  Those feelings, my feelings, your feelings, are okay.  Those emotions remind us of our love, they remind us of family, and they remind us of Adam. Time will soften the sting of Adam’s loss, but it will never take the pain away.  Nonetheless, we will go forward.  We will go forward because we have to.  We will go forward because Adam would want us to.  We will go forward because there is light in this world, and that light is the love Adam shared with us.In honor of Adam, may we all:

Be kind.

Be generous.

Be honest.

Be goofy.

Share our wisdom.

Share our love.

And laugh – wholeheartedly and loudly.